Thursday, October 4, 2012
Confessions of a "stuffer"
I am a "stuffer", meaning my default when I can't or don't want to deal with issues in front of me, I stuff them down deep in my heart and ignore them for as long as I can. It seems to me, at the time that the thoughts and feelings are too painful and overwhelming to process. When I do this, I am choosing to turn my feelings off. It works great at the time to stop the pain but in doing so I also block myself from the comfort and promptings of the Holy Ghost. How in the world can I heal when I refuse to deal with hurtful issues? I can't. I have to let go of the illusion of protection that I feel when I indulge in my addiction of "stuffing" or denying myself healing through the atonement of Jesus Christ and the comfort of the Holy Ghost as I feel and deal with the pain of those scary issues. I have to remind myself often that it was never meant for me to deal with this pain alone. I am not alone. I have a loving elder brother who desires for me to allow Him to hold me as I feel and process the pain. Then He will take the pain away (as I am willing to give it), allowing me to keep the lessons and experiences as a foundation and testimony of the power of the atonement. As I write this little paragraph, it doesn't seem hard or difficult but rather simple in procedure and principle but it requires me to trust, really trust, that my Savior will do what He promises me. I have to decide to trust God. I can spend my life 'stuffing" and then waiting for everything to fall apart when I can't hold things in forever or I can choose to be emotionally healthy, dealing with issues as I am prompted using the beautiful and perfect gift of the atonement.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I have this written in my journal and I have no idea where I got it. I need to make a poster of it for those times when I am feeling exactly as you just described. I can relate to stuffing the pain away. I did it at 7 when my mom died and because I didn't deal with the pain then it has been a hard thing to get beyond. Anyway. Here is the quote I have written down: "When thoughts and feelings resurface we can partially detach ourselves from the emotional storm raging inside and wait quietly for it to pass......Let your fear surface. Give it a name. Be willing to feel it. Then ask if Heavenly Father wants you to be afraid. Heavenly Father will not leave you alone. Moment by moment you will be given the strength you need."
ReplyDeleteI have found that I am painfully good at the "stuffing", but until now, have never been able to put a face to it. I find that when I stuff, it allows me to be more engaged in life. I am just at a loss as to how to face my fears head on when they bring anger, resentment, and lots of excuses from the person or fear that I am running away from. I like the idea of writing it down, and of giving it a name. It has never occured to me to ask my Heavenly Father if I should feel afraid. I have asked Him to show me if my husband is still relapsing, and He has come through with flying colors. My problem is that when I know He has shown me what has been going on, I am at a loss as to what to do with that knowledge. This has given me food for thought and I thank you both!
ReplyDeleteCan I just say, I LOVE THIS! It is a beautiful thing to be able to connect with each other this way. I am thankful for your example to me. I hope we continue to encourage each other forever!
ReplyDelete